F is for Forgiveness

Good Monday morning and welcome to week 2 in the A-Z blog challenge. I'm writing this month about life lessons learned, and here we go with the letter F. 

F is for Forgiveness

'to cease to feel resentment against an offender; pardon'

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

I mentioned in my previous post that I'd be sharing this month some of the experiences I think have shaped me into the person I am today. I wrote in my letter E post about the family I grew up in, and today I'm going to talk about another biggie-marriage. 

Marriage grows us, changes us, and teaches us many things...compromise, communication, sacrifice, how to fight fair, and most importantly, the value of forgiveness. Without it I don't think a marriage can survive. 

What would you say is the opposite of forgiveness? In my mind the opposite of forgiveness is resentment, and resentment is the kudzu of a relationship. 

Is there kudzu where you live? We see a lot of it along the highways in the southern part of the US, and maybe other parts of the country too, but in the south it's crazy. Kudzu is an invasive plant, sometimes called the 'vine that ate the south' because it's so fast growing and because it tries, and mostly succeeds, in smothering all the good vegetation growing nearby. It's destructive. 

Marriage is so many wonderful things. It's laughter and parenting and knowing your person is your person. It's connection and friendship and intimacy on more than just the obvious level. 

Marriage is also an every day kind of proposition. Husband and wife, each one making the choice to live selflessly instead of self-centeredly, every.single.day. 

True story here...I'm not alway successful. I mean who knows how to push your buttons better than the person you sleep beside? Small hurts, words said aloud that should have remained unspoken, the cold shoulder, disappointment, our opinion as the right opinion...these are all a part of a long married life, which means forgiveness will be required on the daily too. 

I've learned a lot about myself in our nearly 41 years of marriage, and I think that's part of God's grand design in creating this institution. Marriage is sanctifying. While I've discovered so much goodness there, marriage has also exposed a side of myself I don't particularly love. 

I can hold onto a hurt, marinate in it a little (or a lot) and feel justified in my outrage. And you know what? Sometimes I really am justified, but planting my flag there is how a tiny droplet becomes a deep well of resentment. A well that will overflow if left unchecked.  

I've learned in these later seasons especially that acknowledging a hurt, and then seeking and/or offering forgiveness quickly, makes for a healthier, happier marriage. To lop off resentment while its a seedling, not a hillside covered in vines. 

Not to let the kudzo crowd out all the good green things we've grown. 

If you've never heard the Matthew West Song entitled Forgiveness I'll link it here (Forgiveness). The lyrics are so good. ...'If flies in the face of all your pride, it moves away the mad inside, it's always anger's own worst enemy...'

Hodgepodge Questions-Volume 597

Here are the questions to this week's Wednesday Hodgepodge. Answer on your own blog, then hop back here on Wednesday (April 9th) to share answers. See you there! 

1. What's a lesson you've learned from a mistake? 

2. Do you salt food while you're cooking or let diners add their own?  What's a food you think must be salted? Do you like pepper? 

3. What was the last gathering you attended and what did you do there? 

4. Your favorite shade of purple? What's your favorite purple flower? 

5. Share a favorite spring travel memory. 

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

E is for Experience

Here we are at the end of week one in the A-Z Blog Challenge. Emphasis on the word challenge. I've had a lot going on this week besides what I've written here so patting myself on the back for staying the course. I'm hopeful next week will be more manageable time wise, but we'll see. 

Day 5-E is for Experience

"something personally encountered, undergone, or lived through; 

the conscious events that make up an individual life

"Experience is the teacher of all things." 

Julius Caesar

It's been said that so much of who we are is where we've been and I tend to agree with that sentiment. I'm into my 'third act' (trying not to overuse the phrase but I gotta call it something), so I have plenty of life experiences to mull over. Since my blog is often the place where I 'mull' I'm going to write about a handful of those experiences here this month. 

Let's start at the beginning shall we? My family. The one I grew up in. 

This of course covers a myriad of experiences and I know I'm lucky in that department. I had a happy childhood. I grew up with two sisters and a brother, parents who were married, who worked hard to provide for our every need, and who gave us a sense of security and stability not all children are fortunate to know. 

They made their faith in Jesus a priority in their lives and in our home. We weren't spoiled with material things, but we had all that we needed and most of what we wanted. And we had each other. 

We still do. 

Playmates, confidants, sparring partners, back seat riders, secret sharers, story keepers, truth tellers, teammates. 

Children learn by watching, by imitating what they see. I'm grateful to have had a good example to follow, which in turn impacted the way I've interacted with my own family (the one I birthed) as well as other people I've encountered along life's way.  

Studies have shown that children who grow up in a stable home have a higher degree of success, feel less anxiety, and also less stress. I can still so clearly picture my mother sitting on the side of my bed, telling me to tell her my troubles and she'd listen and help if help is what was needed. My world view, my self-esteem and my sense of belonging are all things that were home grown.  

To be a child who knows they are loved is such a gift. It frees you to be authentically you. 

Making a List, Checking It Often

Day 4 in the A-Z...let's get to it-

D is for Delight

I've taken part in the A-Z blog challenge for a number of years. Typically I don't blog on Saturdays, but since the challenge does call for it, several years ago I came up with something seemingly simple to meet that requirement. 

I made a list every Saturday of little things I love that fit with the letter of the day. It was so gratifying and turned out to be a small blessing all it's own. My plan is to continue doing that this year in my Saturday posts. 

I know. 

Today isn't Saturday, but hear me out. I've been watching my youngest daughter's two little ones all week while she and her hubs are on holiday and I'm tired. TGIF y'all! 

So how does a list like this fit with my challenge theme of 'life lessons learned'?  

Simple. Making these lists the past several years has shown me taking note of 'the little things' stirs up in me a grateful heart. And that's something I want in every season of my life.

In no particular order, and using today's letter of the day (D), here are 20 things that bring delight-

a dazzling blue sky day
a dependable God
daffodils in bloom
dining out
dressing up
darling grandchildren
slow dancing in the kitchen 
driving somewhere new
daydreams
discernment
date nights 
a little girl named Daisy
a dip in the lake 
daughters who mother with patience and humor
dishes done
decency
dreams come true 
daybreak
decorating for Christmas
the big dipper on a cloudless night

Share Your Shelf-March

It's the first Thursday of the month which means it's time to share what we read the month prior. I'm also participating in a blog challenge this month (The April A-Z) and if you're following along you'll find my post on letter C here. 

Now back to books and March and what I read-

Goodbye Birdie Greenwing by Ericka Waller

This is the story of three women who live near one another in the seaside town of Brighton, but don't know each other until a series of events brings them together. Birdie has been lonely and at loose ends since her husband and her twin sister both passed away. 

She has new neighbors, Jane who's a nurse and also a mom and who's trying to get out from under her own mother's brash and demanding way of dealing with everyone. Jane's young daughter Frankie takes after Jane's mother in that she's unafraid to say what she thinks. The third woman we meet is Ada, an oncologist who relocated from Poland to Brighton in order to practice medicine, and who's finding it difficult to make a life outside of the hospital. 

A sweet story about sisters, mothers, daughters, and neighbors. About secrets kept and secrets told. About needing help and accepting help and realizing there's more to people than what meets the eye. The characters were endearing and it was an enjoyable read. Three stars for me. 

 The Lion Women Of Tehran by Marjan Kamali

The story follows two friends who meet in 1950's Iran when they are seven years old. Ellie has lived a very comfortable life until her father unexpectedly passes away and she and her mother have to move. Ellie dreams of making a friend, and sure enough on the very first day of school she meets Homa, who has lived all of her life in the poorer part of the city. 

Ellie and her mother are soon given the opportunity to move back to the wealthier part of town and the girls eventually lose contact, only to re-engage in high school. Ellie is popular and a good student at one of the best high schools in Tehran, when one day Homa walks into her class. Ellie must decide what their friendship will look like going forward and the girls are in and out of each other's lives over the next few decades.

In this well written novel, one somewhat innocent act of betrayal will have far reaching consequences. Ellie and Homa come of age amid the turmoil and political unrest that occurred in Tehran during the 1970's as the Shah fled the country and the Ayatollah Khomeini came in to power.  The Lion Women of Tehran not only deals with a period in history we don't read a lot about, but also with what it means to be a true friend, to live with courage, and to extend and accept forgiveness. I loved it...four stars for me.  

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen 

The ageless tale of Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, who must overcome both pride and prejudice to ultimately find love. I've watched several versions of this story in film form in the past couple of decades, but hadn't read the novel since high school. 

Still witty, intelligent, and great fun to re-read. Five stars for me. 

Shepherds For Sale by Megan Basham

I have followed Megan Basham on Twitter for a long while and knew I wanted to read this one. A well-researched book detailing many of the ways in which 'the world' has infiltrated the evangelical church. Basham tackles eight current cultural hot topics, everything from immigration and abortion to Covid and the #metoo movement within the church. 

She gives example after example of how progressive activists and grant agencies have overtly tried to shape the evangelical voting block, and she documents as well how power brokers outside of the church, have actively gone after the church, in order to break down the final barrier between progressive culture and Christianity. 

This is not an easy book to read, but I think for Christians especially, an important one. 

What Happened To The McCrays by Tracey Lange 

A messy family drama that unfolds at a nice pace. Kyle McCray is living on the west coast when he gets word his father has suffered a stroke. He returns home to Potsdam New York to help his father and reluctantly face the people and the past he left behind. Those people include not only his father, but also Casey, his wife of sixteen years. 

In What Happened to the McCrays we see two sides of a failed marriage, and the emotions of a husband and wife who must confront their pain or be swallowed up by it. A little predictable but overall a very good read. Three stars for me. 

Linking this post with the book girls-Tanya, Marilyn, Joanne, and Jenn for their monthly share. Hop over and see what everyone else has been reading too.

Day Three In The A-Z

Two days in a row with two posts. Whew. It's a lot and hoping I can get a better handle on the alphabet calendar over the weekend. Today is  Day 3 in the A-Z blog challenge and then, because its the first Thursday in a brand new month,  I'm also sharing what I read in March (in a separate post). 

I know people land here for different reasons so if you're here to talk books that post is here. Now back to the alphabet and today's letter-

C is for grown Children 

I started to say adult children but when I looked up the definition that one had a more negative connotation than using the term grown children. Who knew? I thought they were the same thing, but apparently the term adult children implies a level of dysfunction and the term grown children means small children who have grown to adulthood and are capable of independence and responsibility. 

Mine land in the second category for sure. 

I have grown children, children who are now as old as I sometimes feel in my head and think, hey it wasn't that long ago, but then I do the math and see it truly was. It's kind of funny to talk about parenting adult children because aren't we done with the parenting at some point? 

Welcome to the wonderful world of mothering. 

We never stop, right? I mean my 94-year old mother still tells me what lane I need to be in and did I know the speed limit is 25 on this road so yeah. We moms mother because we can't help ourselves. My children have children and husbands and homes of their own now, so where does that leave me? 

Still here. Still mom. But lower case, not ALL CAPS.

I've got a few years under my belt in terms of parenting grown children...my oldest has been married for ten years now, and here's something I've learned. Mothers, the people who've loomed large and in charge throughout their children's lives, in this next act need to be not so large. More pocket sized. 

My adult children don't need me to weigh in on absolutely everything. Instead they want to know I'm proud of them, that I trust their ability to make decisions, that I have compassion for whatever challenges they're facing, and that I'm praying for them...for their spouses and children too. 

I actually love the mental picture of carrying my mom in my pocket. 

When I long for her wisdom, for the way she could smooth over the rough edges of my life, for her belief in my ability to solve a problem and do the right thing, she's there...it's her voice in my head telling me everything will be okay. 

I guess I'm a grown child too. 

And I hope my girls carry me in their pocket.

Striking A Balance

If you're looking for today's Wednesday Hodgepodge you'll find it here- A DIY Hodgepodge

Day 2...I'm on a roll lol...

B is for Balance 

'a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportion' 

When you're in the heavy lifting years of parenting, or when you're carrying the heavy mental load of launching teenagers into young adulthood, life can easily and often feel out of balance. Maybe more out of balance than in balance, and there's not a whole lot you can do about it. 

Children are needy and you are the need meet-er. Their needs and your own desire for space, time, and silence don't always line up, but of course their needs almost always take precedence, and you do what needs to be done.  

High fives to moms everywhere. 

When you leave those seasons behind you free up some brain space to contemplate who you are now and what you want your life to look like. 

I'm a person who likes my space. If I don't have enough of it I get cranky and if I have too much I feel frustrated, restless, and unproductive. I cannot have a completely blank calendar, nor do I want one where there's no room for spontaneous fun, travel, hobbies, or daydreams. 

As I've gotten older I've learned to recognize what I need in order to have balance. When life feels like too much or not quite enough I remind myself of a few simple truths and a few practical helps too...

• Too many days in a row of unproductive activity can leave me feeling out of balance.

• Going and doing and seeing all the people too many days in a row can also leave me feeling out of balance. 

• I hate feeling unproductive.

• I don't have to be productive all the time.

• An activity that on the surface sounds unproductive can in reality be good for my mental health and emotional well-being. 

• Simple pleasures add to the richness of life. 

• Don't procrastinate on tasks that might fall under the heading of 'business'. 

• Make time for things I love that might sound frivolous to other people.

• Feel no guilt for doing so.

• Admit when a full calendar is about to spill over and just say no to adding one more thing.

• When it occasionally spills over anyway, practice gratitude for all the many good things that fill my days and make life full and interesting. 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: ..." Ecclesiastes 3:1